Know Your Calvins
by calvinhobbes1010
Summary: This is a story about the Calvin and Hobbes cast getting teased and tortured. It's also a parody to All That's Know Your Stars. Susie is up. PLEASE RR!
1. Calvin: The Girl Lover

_Calvin walks onstage. _

Voice: Know your Calvins, know your Calvins, know your Calvins, know your Calvins. Calvin... he wants to marry Susie right now.

(The audience goes "oohh" and laughs)

Calvin: What? No I don't.

Voice: Oh yeah, then why is Susie behind you, ready to kiss you?

(Calvin looks behind him. Susie was in wedding clothes, ready to kiss Calvin. He screams)

Calvin: I DON'T WANNA' MARRY YOU! (Pushes Susie away. She cries and runs away)

Voice: Calvin... he secretly hates Hobbes.

_The audience cracks up._

Calvin: No way! If I DID secretly hate him, I would want to get rid of him!

(Calvin's temper starts to rise. He tries his best to control it)

Voice: Calvin... he records every Buzz on Maggie episode he sees and puts all of them into one DVD.

(The audience cries with laughter)

Calvin: WHAT? IT'S A GIRL SHOW! I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT! IT'S A COMPLETE MURDER TO G.R.O.S.S! WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

Voice: Susie did.

Calvin: ALL OF THIS IS A COMPLETE LIE!

Voice: Oh yeah? Then what's this?

(A DVD case clonks Calvin in the head. He reads it)

Calvin: THE BUZZ ON MAGGIE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON? &#! You made this! Not me! You're just making it look like Ilike it!

Voice: Calvin... he is such a scream face.

Calvin: YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Figuratively explodes with anger)

Voice: Now you know... Calvin... a scream face who likes girls, hates Hobbes, and loves to watch Buzz on Maggie.

Calvin: AAAAAAUUGGHH! DON'T GO AWAY! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, MISTER! YOU HERE ME? I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!

(The voice was gone)

Calvin: YAAAAAAAAAA! THAT IS IT! I'M DONE WITH YOU!

(Calvin starts to march out of the studio)

Calvin: FOREVER!

(Calvin runs out of the studio to tell his parents about his day of torture. The voice guy looks at his list of people)

Voice: Okayyyyyyyyyyy... he is very angry right now. My next person is Hobbes.


	2. Hobbes: The Tuna Hater

(Hobbes finds a black chair in the Know Your Calvins studio. He sits in it)

Voice: Know your Calvins, know your Calvins, know your Calvins, know your Calvins. Hobbes... he love his tuna fish dipped in hot fudge.

(The audience laughs)

Hobbes: I guess you're mistaken, sir, but I don't like my tuna fish dipped in hot fudge.

Voice: Then you hate tuna fish.

(The audience laughs harder)

Hobbes: Then why do I eat it all the time?

Voice: That was just another tiger in disguise.

Hobbes: Don't make my temper rise.

Voice: Hobbes... he secretly hates Calvin.

Hobbes: Did you do that on Calvin?

Voice: Ooooooh, silly me. Yes I did. Hobbes... he doesn't pounce on Calvin anymore.

(The audience cracks up)

Hobbes: What? I still do it! Who told you that?

Voice: Calvin did.

Hobbes: I'd eat him if he did, and save his then clean bones for natural resources.

Voice: That's disgusting.

Hobbes: I don't believe you and your "Calvin told me that" lie!

Voice: Hobbes... he loves Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.

(The audience dies with laughter)

Hobbes: WHAT? I DON'T LIKE YOU AND CHOCOLATE FROSTED SUGAR BOMBS! LIAR!

Voice: Now you know... Hobbes... a tuna fish hater, who doesn't pounce on Calvin anymore, loves Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, and says I'm a liar when I'm really saying the truth.

Hobbes: YOU REALLY **ARE** A LIAR!

(No response)

Hobbes: HEY! WHERE ARE YOU? COME BACK HERE BEFORE I ATTACK YOU LIKE ON **WHEN CALVIN AND HOBBES ATTACK!**

(Still no response)

Hobbes: ARRRRRRRRRGH! I'M GOING AWAY! YOU SHOULD BE FIRED!

(Hobbes marches out of the studio. The voice guy looks at his monthly planner)

Voice: Next up: Susie.


	3. Susie: The Boy

(Susie Derkins walks to the black chair)

Voice: Know your Calvins, know your Calvins, know your Calvins, know your Calvins.

Susie: Who is this?

Voice: Susie...she is actually a boy.

Susie: No I'm not.

Voice: We'll call you Mansie.

Susie: Don't, please.

Voice: Susie...she hates everything Bill Watterson said she liked.

Susie: Then why do I treat them as my prized possessions?

Voice: That's Candace with her hair dyed brown. Susie... she loves G.R.O.S.S.

Susie: What? That's "**_G_**et **_R_**id **_O_**f Slimy **_G_**irls"! Calvin runs that club!

Voice: Susie...she likes Calvin.

Susie: I DO NOT!

Voice: Susie...she loves getting soaked with water balloons.

Susie: WHAT? Where are you? Where are you from!

(No response)

Susie: HEY! COME BACK HERE!

(Not a single word)

Susie: ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH! I'M TELLING!

(Susie runs out of the studio)


End file.
